Nature is terrifying. I think I shall be living somewhere far away from any and all animals from now on. Especially geese.
What even are those? It’s like the Sarlacc climbed out of its pit and started giving kids rides at the local fare.
#2 The Hagfish
It’s…a fish? A leech? An alien bent on world domination? Will we ever know the truth about the terrifying hagfish?
#3 The Pacu Fish
It has human teeth. Human teeth. Human teeth. Human teeth. What the actual? No. Nope. Nope. Done. So done.
#4 The Loggerhead Turtle
There aren’t even any jokes that can be made about this. It’s like looking down the mouth of a living woodchipper designed to maul flesh instead of wood. A fleshchipper.
#5 The Cookiecutter Shark
It lives up to its name, doesn’t it? This isn’t exactly demonic. Maybe a cute demon that makes you cookies. With its mouth. Still a demon though. A cookie imp, maybe.
#6 The Humble Penguin
Apparently people think penguins are cute? Don’t say that to my friend; she’ll tell you about the time one of them bit her and show you the scar. You try being bitten by one of these demon birds.
#7 The Woodpecker
Some mad scientist took a bird and crossed it with an anteater. This is clearly what happened.
#8 The Vampire Fish
Not a very original name, is it? Still, it’s pretty accurate, you have to admit. I mean, look at the size of those things! That would have to hurt, if it got those into your hand.
#9 The Silver Lamprey
It’s like someone crossed a cucumber with a set of dentures. I think we can stay far away from cucumbers and dentures from now on, thanks.
#10 The Satan Bird
HAIL BEFORE THE SPAWN OF SATAN! YOUR SOULS ARE FORFEIT!
It’s a goose. Of course it’s a goose; geese are freakin’ terrifying, man!